Hello world,
I guess today is as good as any other day to talk about grief.
After all, this week has been marqued by the 1 year anniversary of C’s passing, and 1 month of A’s passing.
Since November last year, I’ve lost (in this order) my best friend's mom, my cherished grandpa, a friend, my partner's uncle, a long-term friend's dad and in the coming days, an uncle of mine is also expected to pass away.
I had experienced loss before, but not on that scale, and not like this.
Four of these people died from cancer.
The more time goes the more I know people that have had to deal with this disease.
The worst part is that it doesn’t discriminate. You can be healthy and get it for no appearant reason.
Anyway, I disgress.
This year has been a masterclass on grief for me.
What it’s like, how it feels, what it changes in and around you.
For the most part of this year I haven’t felt like myself ; I felt like I had entered an alternate reality.
Suddendly, nothing made sense.
Besides the deep hurt, the physical gap you feel in your chest, what I found the most troubling was how far-reaching the effects were.
Physical, mental, emotional, cognitive… it can be overwhelming.
Just to give you an idea of my own symptoms, for reference: fatigue, intense brain-fog, memory loss, sleep issues, anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts (briefly), physical pain located in my forehead, neck, shoulders and traps, digestive issues…
In a way, I finally feel like an adult now that I’ve gone through this experience.
It forces you to confront your own mortality, your commitment to relationships in your life, your alignement with your values, goals and dreams.
Pretty much everything that actually matters in life.
Which explains the existential crisis that I went through during the summer.
I guess I’m not the only one… or at least I hope so.
Another thing I realized, although I sort of had this intuition already, is that grief is so very personal.
We all grieve differently.
There are no phases set in stone, no linearity.
It just comes to you and you have to surrender to avoid being crushed.
It’ll come and go.
Do whatever feels right to help you deal with your feelings.
In my case, I’ve turned to remembering them via reading previous messages, looking at photos, listening to audios to hear their voice again…
I’ve also felt the need to create something. I wanted to write but felt unable to for quite some time.
Therefore I drew ; I created and printed a small book that mimicked children’s books ; I created Dear You, the grief journal (PDF and Notion template version).
I’ve also been more in tune with my spirituality.
And interestingly, the more I did, the more signs I got.
But I won’t dive into this specific topic.
I found it difficult to talk to others, unless in grief-related spaces and in some occasions with my close family and some select friends.
But somehow there was also this sort of internal pressure to not burden anyone else with my feelings.
How strange is that?
How can we as a society create more space for people to feel at ease with their grief?
I don’t have many answers, only a few insights taken from my experience and that of my circle who’s also been impacted by these losses.
In my opinion we can do better as a society.
We can and should recognize how life-altering it is to lose a loved one.
How it can takes months or years to feel like yourself again — only different.
That job-wise, our productivity will probably be impacted by our symptoms and that kindness goes a long way.
So I’ll start with myself, and I vow to be a safe person for anyone struggling with grief.
Feel free to message me anytime if you feel like you need to vent.
With lots of love and compassion,
Camille
PS: I’d suggest reading extracts and/or books of ancient philosophers, whose thoughts really comforted me, as well as Staring at the sun by Irvin D. Yalom.